“I also had my share of sleepless nights. I used to curse myself for not being with my parents when they needed me, I thought of the things I could have done to save them which I could not do at right time. I used to remember the small incidents when I annoyed my mother, when she was hurt because of me. I used to remember everything and wept for days and nights. Then one day I saw my mother in my dream. I could feel as if she was there in reality. She was sitting by my side while I was sleeping. She put her hand on my forehead lovingly like she did when she was alive. Then she called my name and said. “Forgive Yourself.” She kissed me and got up to leave. I wanted to stop her and I woke up from my dream. But there was a change in me, I suddenly had forgiven myself of the guilt I had. I was at peace; my mind was calm. I do not know how, but I understood what those two words she said meant. What she meant.”
She continued “I know why it is so hard to forgive ourselves? Sometimes, we find it easier to forgive others but we fail at forgiving ourselves. There are situations in life which do not turn out as expected. Since our mind is so much conditioned for things to turn out as we want, we are unable to accept the truth and start considering ourselves responsible for the failure. We keep carrying the load of this guilt in our conscience.”
“We may seem normal and happy to the world but deep inside we burn in our own guilt. Everything becomes lifeless because we are not able to accept
and consider ourselves as normal human who can err, who cannot predict things, who is not responsible for all the reasoning and the surprises life has in store for us.”
“The things which happen to us are carried with us throughout our life, changing our personalities and the perception of the world from time to time which are called our life-experiences. It is the entire load we carry on our mind just like carrying a sack full of unwanted things on the back. We carry this baggage of emotions and self-blaming with us.”
Aarohi was listening to her astonished. She couldn’t utter a word. She felt as if the reasons were different, but their pain was same. Their feelings were same.
“It’s just that we forget to be kind to ourselves, to expect less from ourselves and end up becoming a person which we never were. We need to remember that whatever we do in a situation at a particular time is the best we could do. Whether we do it with all the thinking and wisdom or not, it would have been the best thing to happen at that time. So, we should not regret about it.” She smiled.
“We always try to do the best that we can so why to blame yourself later on, Aarohi. The way I did my best, you too did the best you could do. Rudra was not meant to be yours; he played his role in your life. He made you aware of the feeling of love. Now his role is over in your life. Just let things play out, what’s supposed to happen will happen. We don’t have to carry the blame and load on our souls.”
“Don’t forgive yourself for anybody else. Forgive, for your own happiness. Forgive, for your own peace. Forgive, because you do not deserve a
burnt soul and a fuming mind. And once we learn to forgive ourselves and not to over-think the issues, life becomes easier. Then why not practice it and live life as it is destined to be. Let go of everything you are trying to hold on to. Let go of the things that have the power to break you. Open the tight fists of your mind. Just let go and thank God for this beautiful life.”
Aarohi kept staring at Ravneet’s face, astonished and emotional. In a flash, she ran the two steps between them and hugged her. She hugged her tight and let go. Tears were glistening from her eyes and something powerful than she ever felt, strong dam broke down and she started crying. Aarohi cried and cried in the arms of Ravneet; who hugged her back tight and firm. She too had tears in her eyes. She cried as she remembered Rudra’s final words to her, his face, his smile and his wedding picture that she saw a few days back; courtesy to ever growing social media. She had no idea how long she kept hugging Ravneet, but when she let go, she felt lighter in herself. She felt as if some ice froze her heart was melted and washed away in tears and she could feel things again.
“I am sorry.”
“Don’t be. You will be fine, Aarohi. We are friends, we will remain so.”
Aarohi smiled as she felt so proud of her friend. She felt highly inspired by her so much wise words at this young age. Aarohi was no longer sad and had understood that she needs to free herself of the guilt and burden that she carried on her soul. Slowly tears started flowing off her eyes. But inside she felt a different kind of lightness. She was liberated. She forgave herself [….]
TL;DR? Read the Synopsis, on Rooprashi.in
Rooprashi is an HR Professional who works in GAIL (India) Ltd., a Maharatna Public-Sector Unit (PSU). Her book “The Girl Who Saw It All” is receiving great response from the readers all over India including Mr. Navjot Singh Sidhu and Mr. Satya Pal Jain (Additional Solicitor General Of India) and has received positive coverage from different media (newspapers, tv and radio) . You can buy a copy for Rs.160 on Amazon